Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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