just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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