I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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