No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
