The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
