my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
