Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
