that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
