Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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