This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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