i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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