I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
