I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bring me that man meat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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