just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
