Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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