ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
