If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
