I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
