I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
