lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
