..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
