me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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