This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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