he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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