he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
