It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
