Four minutes until I can fart!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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