If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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