Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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