too bad you live with your parents still
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
