Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
