It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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