I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
