I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We are two peas in an std pod
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
