you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
last night I used snow as a chaser
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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