just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
