The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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