Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
