I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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