ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
