New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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