Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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