I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
