We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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