I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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