i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
