Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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