btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
