You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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