i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
