Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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