Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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