Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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