Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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