I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
