I am full of burrito and curiosity
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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