The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
