I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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