drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
