so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize