Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
