I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
