I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
