Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
