Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
