Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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