I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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