o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
