i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
