I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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