i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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