I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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