so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
