I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
