One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize