Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
